June 3, 1130 

After serving Duchess Anor for just three weeks, she is dead.  I am sorry, because she was a kind woman, and nice even to her servants.  The Duke, her husband, has requested that I serve his eldest daughter, Eleanor.  She is already eight years old and is ready to learn the ways of the court.  I think I will enjoy the task.  I've heard it said that she is quite disrespectful, but I think she's just very bright and innocently curious.  But of course, in these times, a woman is not allowed to be curious about anything except sewing and cooking and raising children, the womanly activities.  She looks like such a sweet little girl.  Well, I will meet her tomorrow and find out whether the old gossips are right. 

     Lady Anne walked into the great hall somewhat nervously.  She was very pretty, with rich chestnut hair that fell down her back in soft waves, deep brown eyes, delicate features and a wonderful figure.  She was young, only 17, but very capable in the ways of the world. 
     She was standing at the far end of the hall when the duke walked in with his daughter.  "Lady Anne," he said with his great booming voice.  "This is my daughter Eleanor.  Eleanor, this is Lady Anne.  She is going to be your lady-in-waiting and teach you how to be a lady.  She'll be in charge of you from now on.  Lady Anne, you will have the responsibility for Eleanor's education.  As part of her further education, I will be taking Eleanor on my trips around the duchy with me so she can learn about the governing of the place.  I am planning on leaving the day after tomorrow.  You will accompany Eleanor and continue her lessons, which will start this morning.  Is that agreeable with you?” 
     "Yes, sir.  That will be fine." 
     "Good.  Eleanor, take the Lady to your chambers.  She will be sleeping with you, too.  After you have moved in, Lady Anne, you may begin Eleanor's lessons." 
     "Yes, Father." 
     "Yes, sir." 

    Five days later, Lady Anne was outside with Eleanor leaning against a tree, taking a break from riding.  The company had stopped for a lunch break, and after lunch Lady Anne would start the day's lessons while she and Eleanor rode together.  They studied only in the afternoons because Eleanor rode with her father in the mornings and he taught her about governing and court protocol and the politics of France.  This left the mornings for Anne to enjoy the scenery.  The province of  Aquitaine was truly beautiful, especially at this time of year, nearing mid-summer.  The sky was a brilliant sapphire; the softly rolling hills were as green as emeralds.  The air was warm, but not too hot; a breeze was gently blowing.  The chattering of the birds provided a pleasant background for the singing of the troubadours and the laughing of the members of the company. 
     They had left the castle three days ago, crossed the beautiful river La Garonne, and were headed north to the farthest reaches of Aquitaine.  Every year Duke William had to take the trip around the duchy to collect tributes, settle disputes, and have his lords and vassals renew their oaths of fealty.  He would bring his whole household with him, including his family, knights and warriors, troubadours and entertainers, priests, servants, and even livestock. 
     "So, how do you like traveling, Eleanor?" 
     "Oh, I simply love it!"  Eleanor exclaimed delightedly.  "I had never realized until now just how beautiful Aquitaine is.  The rivers, the hills, the forests-- they're all magnificent.  And it's so exciting being in a different place every night, meeting new people, and hearing new songs.  That one we heard last night about the mouse that fell into a wine barrel was especially funny, wasn't it?"  Eleanor asked, laughing. 
     "Yes, it certainly was," Lady Anne said, laughing with Eleanor.  "But I think my personal favorite was the one about young Margaret, who was married to a horrible wretched old man, and her lover was so grieved about it that he killed himself.  It was so sad and sweet.  I'm glad I'm not like that, hating my husband and being in love with someone else.  If I don't love George, I can at least respect him.  He doesn't beat me, and is nice about letting me have time to myself, so I am content."  Lady Anne sighed. 
     "I hope that I will be able to love my husband.  He will, of course, marry me for my land, but mayhaps we can find it in our hearts to love each other, too," Eleanor said wistfully. 
     "If you do, count yourself lucky.  In the meantime, it looks as if it is time to ride again.  We'd better go." 

I have decided that I definitely do like being Eleanor's lady-in-waiting.  She is a good girl, not a bit disrespectful at all.  She has an uncanny knack of conversation, though.  She leads people out, so they tell her things they would never normally tell her, like today when we were talking about marriage.  I never normally would have said what I said about George and me.  But she is such a dear! 

    The years passed.  Eleanor grew to be a very lovely young woman.  Shimmering gold hair fell to her waist; her bright blue eyes sparkled with mischief.  Eleanor was intelligent, with a sharp mind and an even sharper wit.  She was very opinionated, and not afraid to enter into an argument with a man.  She had a great understanding of human nature and the ways of power. 
     Lady Anne and her husband, George, Duke William's head groom, continued to be distant with each other, but in 1134, after four years of marriage, Lady Anne had a child, a girl whom she named Nora. 
     In 1137, when Eleanor was 15, her father died.  Eleanor was grieved, because she and her father had been very close.  Lady Anne was by her side constantly for a few days after the death to comfort her, and was with her when the messenger brought the news that Prince Louis was coming to ask for her hand in marriage. 
     When she heard the news, she brightened visibly.  She always had enjoyed the idea of becoming married and used to dream about it for hours on end.  "Well," she said, getting up and drying her tears.  "At least I know now that I'm not destined to be an old maid!"  She gave a little laugh. 
     "Of course not!" Anne said, laughing.  "You knew you would never be an old maid.  Not with you as beautiful as you are, and with the whole of the duchy of Aquitaine and County of Anjou attached as well!  You knew you'd get married.  And to the future King of France, no less."  Lady Anne shook her head in mock wonder. 
     "Well, you know it's a perfectly logical solution to the king's current predicament.  A wonderful political strategy.  Right now, Aquitaine is a big threat to France, but if it becomes his, his future is secure.” 
 

    I'm so happy for Eleanor.  She deserves a good marriage.  I don't know much about Prince Louis, because he was at a monastery, studying to be a priest for so long.  He was the second son, and only began his courtly schooling six years ago, when his older brother died.  
     So, as soon as the prince arrives, we'll have the wedding and move to Paris.  The castle is in a flurry of excitement, getting prepared for the wedding, packing, and cleaning.  Of course, the prince likely won't arrive for another two or three weeks, maybe even a month, but there's so much to be done before we leave.  I wonder what Paris will be like? 

    One month later, Prince Louis arrived with his retinue of knights.  He was ferried across the river, where he met Eleanor.  They went through the formalities of plighting their troth, and then they were married.  It was a beautiful wedding.  During the ceremony, the sun was streaming through one of the few, high windows in the church to rest upon the bride and bridegroom while they took their vows.  To those present it seemed like a sign that God himself was placing his personal blessing on the union.  The wedding was followed by three days of feasting, entertainment, and merriment.  During that time, Louis and Eleanor consummated their marriage. 

July 14, 1137  

I really like Prince Louis.  When I first saw him, he took my breath away.  His fair hair, his mild blue eyes, and his wonderful physique are all very attractive.  His personality is wonderful, too.  He is of a quiet temperament, preferring prayer to combat.  He is an educated and intelligent man, hating war and loving the beautiful things of the world.  During the week or so that it's been since he and Eleanor were married I've had many opportunities to see how kind and gentle he is.  I can tell that he is infatuated with Eleanor and cares for her deeply.  I hope that they will be happy together.  They are so different.  Eleanor is strong willed and stubborn.  Louis is meek, humble, and submissive.  But maybe things will work out all right.  I pray so.  

    A few weeks after the wedding, Louis received word that his father was dead.  He and his new household hastened to Paris.  There he took the crown of the King of France and acceded to the throne.  He did not immediately begin governing, though.  Because of his young age (he was only 16) he returned to his schooling for a little while.  
     Louis's castle in Paris was not as nice as Eleanor's castle in Aquitaine.  It was smaller and stuck in the middle of the city.  It was dark, damp, and cheerless.  Eleanor's castle had been fairly large, out in the country with large grounds.  There had been colorful tapestries and torches in every corner, as well as singing troubadours in an attempt to make the castle merry.  Here in Paris, even the great hall had few torches. 

    How I miss Bordeaux!  This is not the magnificent Paris I had imagined.  The castle is dank and gloomy, and the city itself lives in a squalor that rivals only the dirtiest villages.  The only thing Paris has to offer is an education.  I have heard that they have schools with wonderful teachers, and that even women are welcome to attend.  Louis, has conceded to Eleanor to make the castle garden open to teachers on one day a week.  She plans to attend the classes, and I will go with her, for decency's sake.  It would not be proper for her to be seen alone among a crowd of men and boys.  I am looking forward to going, too.  
     Louis is totally smitten with Eleanor.  He submits to her every whim.  He has given her free reign in the castle, and she is beginning to work wonders in here.  She brought hangings and tapestries from Aquitaine and they are beginning to make the castle more cheerful.  Louis does not approve of the troubadours and entertainers, but for Eleanor's sake he leaves them be, and they do much to ease the boredom in the evenings.  
     Louis and Eleanor seem to be getting along fine, so far.  They have not had any arguments, and Louis is trying very hard to live up to Eleanor's image of a gallant knight.  I hope for both of their sakes that this mutual goodwill continues  They are both so dear to me, even though I have known Louis only a few weeks.  He is never anything but gentle and courteous towards me and I love him like a brother.  He often comes to me for advice about what to do to please his bride.  I do all I can to help. 

    As time went on, Eleanor became unhappy with her marriage.  The two often quarreled bitterly.  When Eleanor had found out that Louis was very weak-willed, she tried to mold him into her ideal king, but it didn't work.  Eleanor found that Louis was stubborn in a passive sort of way.  In the areas in which he knew the least, he was the most submissive, but not to Eleanor.  Though he adored her, he felt that politics was not her place.  He did not know much about politics, strategy, or the ways of power, whereas Eleanor was very learned in the ways of ruling and had good political sense, Louis just didn't know it.  They would argue about policy, war, and her involvement in ruling.  In 1141, the bishopric of Bourges fell vacant.  Louis was willing to submit to Rome's authority in this matter, but Eleanor saw that it would be a good thing if Louis made his chancellor the bishop.  They would often argue about it.  After one such argument, Eleanor came storming into her room, where Anne was sewing.  "That man makes me so mad!  Can't he see the sense in what I'm saying?  I have never met anyone so infuriatingly stubborn!" 
     "You are pretty stubborn yourself, m'lady," Lady Anne said mildly. 
     "I know.  But when I'm being stubborn, it's good.  When he's being stubborn, it's not good." 
     Lady Anne raised her eyebrows at this, but didn't say anything. 
     "He knows nothing of the politics of power," Eleanor went on.  "I could help him if he'd let me.  I'm so mad at him.  I'm going to go take a walk in the garden to calm down."  Eleanor left. 
     A few minutes later, Anne was walking through the great hall when King Louis called to her, "Lady Anne, may I have a word with you?" 
     Anne stopped and turned around.  "Yes, m'lord?" 
     "Here, come have a seat."  Louis led her to a nearby table.  "I need some advice.  And since you are a woman, I figured you would be the one to get it from.  Eleanor and I have been arguing about the bishopric of Bourges again.  Doubtless she already told you about it?  I saw her storming off in that direction." 
     "Yes, m'lord." 
     "Well, what I want to know is how to make up with her so she won't be mad at me anymore.  I love her so much, Lady Anne.  I can't bear for her to hate me.  She doesn't like me very much, you know," Louis said sadly.  Anne could see the pain and longing in his eyes and felt a rush of compassion for this misadventured lover. 
     "Well, Louis, first you'll have to apologize and promise to do what it is that she wants.  That will solve the immediate problem.  And by the way, she is right.  And as for her not liking you, that's nonsense."  Lady Anne hoped her lie was convincing. 
 Louis grabbed her hand excitedly.  "Do you really think so?  Will it really work?" 
     "Of course," Lady Anne said with a smile. 
     "Oh, thank you so much!"  Louis impulsively gave her an affectionate  hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "I really appreciate this!"  Louis rushed out of the room to make arrangements for the appointing of his chancellor as bishop of Bourges and Anne returned to her chambers. 

    I don’t know what to do now.  I’m so confused.  Louis and Eleanor were arguing again a few days ago, and Louis came to me for advice again.  I, of course, helped him out, and before he left, he clasped my hand, gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.  It was the kiss that did it.  I suddenly realized that I loved him.  Not like the little brother I thought I had loved him as, but as a lover.  
     For the past few nights, as I lay next to my husband, all I could think about was Louis.  How I would love for him to hold me in his arms, and kiss me and love me like a woman.  George treats me like a little girl, his daughter, maybe.  I hate him.  I consider it a miracle that we had any children at all.  He hasn’t touched me since Nora was born, and sometimes I just feel like screaming at him, “What did I do wrong?  Am I so bad that you won’t even look at me?”  I know it must be me, and not him, because I’ve seen him with other women.  All I want is for someone to see me for the woman I am, not the child I used to be.  Louis’s kiss aroused a passion and a longing in me for him.  It is only too bad that the longing has no hope of ever being fulfilled.  He will hang on to Eleanor, who will never be able to  make him happy.  I could make him happy.  I know I could.  
     What can I do?  How much longer can I live in this torment? 

    For the next year and a half, Lady Anne did her best to try to avoid Louis.  It was not easy.  They were often together at state functions when Lady Anne had to attend Queen Eleanor.  At these times, Anne tried desperately to still her beating heart and act as natural as possible.  Anne was thankful that no one seemed to notice a change in her attitude toward the king. 
     Once, she was going down the stairs on her way to the cellar to retrieve a flask of spiced wine for the queen when she tripped and stumbled into Louis.  He grabbed her arms to keep her from falling and said, “Careful, Lady Anne!  I don’t want you falling!” 
     Anne looked longingly at his arms around her shoulders, and his body that was so near, yet so far away.  Not wanting any rash action to reveal her true feelings, she quickly said, “Thank you m’lord,” and hurried on. 
     Louis watched her for a moment with a puzzled look on his face, then shrug his shoulders as if to say, “Women!  Who can understand them?” and continued on his way. 
 

    Every day I have to see Louis is sheer agony.  I want him so much, but it’s like there’s an invisible wall between us.  I will never be able to have him.  
     And what makes it even worse is that George, my husband, can have any woman he wants, and does not get in trouble for it.  He has been sleeping with Jean, one of the kitchen maids, for a month now.  I have decided to kill him.  After all the agony he’s put me through, he deserves to die.  It will not bring me closer to Louis, but at least I will be rid of him. 

Dearest Eleanor,  
  
I will have already told you that I was in love with your husband.  But even that was only half of the reason for my leaving.  I am the cause of the death of my husband and daughter.  I arranged things so that the next time George rode his horse, he would be thrown.  I did not realize that Nora would be with him then.  I never meant for her to die.  I wanted to kill him because he was having an affair, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.  He had been neglecting me for years, and when he started going with other women, I lost my head.  I am sorry for my actions, and hope to rectify them by serving the Lord as a nun.  
     Please burn this letter as soon as you are done reading it, and do not reveal to anyone what I have just told you.  I only did so because I had to tell someone, and you are the only one I can trust.  I knew you would understand.  
    Thank you,   
                                          Anne